Dead If I Do
Tate Hallaway
Published 2009 290 pages
Summary (from the book jacket)
I've finally found Mr. Right. Sure, he might not have a pulse, but coming from a girl who's sharing a body with a short tempered goddess, I'm not one to judge. Sebastian is the vampire of my dreams and I'm dying to walk down the aisle. Everything couldn't be more perfect.
Well, except for the fact that the awesome band I hired for the reception has been replaced by some guy with an accordion and lederhosen. And the bridesmaids' dresses somehow got switched to salmon pink taffeta with butt-bows. And that's not even mentioning the fact that Sebastian's ex-lover, the zombie-slash-vampire-slash-witch who just happens to be the mother of his undead son, wants the both of us six feet under. Now I know why some girls turn into Bridezillas...
The Review
Dead If I Do is the fourth novel in Tate Hallaway’s Garnet Lacey paranormal romance series. These books are serial comedy/fantasy romances so each novel features the same protagonists: Garnet, a Wiccan witch who is occasionally possessed by the goddess Lilith, and Sebastian a 1000 year-old vampire of magical origin. Each book further develops the romantic relationship between Garnet and Sebastian, set against a backdrop of supernatural high-jinks.
The books aren’t so complex that they have to be read in strict series order but when you consider the serial nature of these stories new readers would probably be better off starting with Tall, Dark & Dead or Dead Sexy rather than starting here.
Certainly the author wastes little time explaining the story so far and jumps straight into the action, opening the first chapter of the book with a disastrous pre-wedding dinner where Garnet tries to introduce her fiancé to her parents. Meeting the future in-laws for the first time is always going to be stressful but when you’re a vampire and your undead zombie ex-girlfriend crashes (literally) the party you’ve got to know that you’re not going to make a good first impression!
Even while Sebastian wrestles with Tereza (his ex) to stop her from committing murder she manages to find the breath to curse Garnet, and the wedding, leading to a humorous (okay, it’s probably only funny if its not happening to you) run of wedding disasters for the happy couple. The timeline of Dead If I Do is concentrated on the two weeks before the wedding and the story follows Garnet as she battles to keep her cursed wedding on track. However, even magic and the power of Lilith (the Queen of Hell who shares Garnet’s body) can’t compete with undead ex-lovers, random cancellations, missing dress orders and a lost wedding license.
Dead If I Do is lightly narrated in first person by Garnet and while Tate Hallaway’s writing style isn’t as frivolous as MaryJanice Davidson or Katie MacAlister, she’s definitely writing on the lighter side of the paranormal romance genre. The tale abounds with magic, zombies, vampires and ghosts so there is no shortage of fantasy action in the story to go along with the romance.
Dead If I Do is a light but satisfying read and even though it is set in the dead of a Wisconsin winter (brrrr) it still ticks all the boxes for a fun summer read. Perfect reading for holidaying vampire romance fans!
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